The best song ever written about GRASS.

The best song ever written about GRASS.
I wrote these lyrics today for my first Rap Video. You'll have to imagine the video until I get it made but I think you'll agree it is a song that may change the course of rap music forever.

GRASS
When I was young and dumb, lonely and afraid,
In my back pocket I would carry a blade.
If someone stepped up to me, and got in my face.
I'd whip out the grass blade and blow it in their face.

Ya see I like grass, I like the way it feels,
In small little patches or in great big fields.
Goats & horses eat it, cows do too.
And guess what nature lovers, so can you!

In 98 I got pulled over by undercovers one night.
I had a pocket full of green of the grassy type.
They patted me down but had to let me go,
'Cause back in 98 the pigs just didn't know...

About grass and the way it feels.
In small little patches or in great big fields.
Rabbits and sheep eat it, cows do too,
And guess what grass lovers, so can you.

You can sleep on it, like our horsey friends.
Or make a musical instrument and play pretend.
If your smaller than you'd like you can have bigger boobs.
Or step on something nasty you clean your shoes.

I like grass. I like the way it feels.
It comes in small little patches and in great big fields.
Girraffe and buffallo eat it, cows do too.
And guess what grass lovers so can you.

It's greener than Ireland and a leprechauns hat.
Thinner than a picture of a starving cat.
More delicate than a depressed man's smile.
And has a greater surface area than an obese child.

I like grass. I like the way it feels.
It comes in small little patches and in great big fields.
Zebra and wilderbeast eat, cows do too,
And guess what grass lovers so can you.

From a tiny little seed it has covered the earth.
Like this rap song will with all your kind help.
Just share this video about our loyal friend grass.
And use toilet paper not grass when you wipe dat ass.

Yeah I like grass. I like the way it feels.
It comes in small little patches and in great big fields.
Elephants and Rhinos eat it, cows do too.
And guess what grass lovers SO CAN YOU!

I like grass.

By Frank Cronin, Glowpunk
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http://tinyurl.com/l7oougq

My First Time Again...#4

Wednesday, Week 2:

San Francisco, California.

Venue: 'The Flying Pig' Cafe

        

       It's my second week of getting into stand up comedy so everything is still RUSSELL BRAND new. Today's open mic was at a cafe called 'The Flying Pig.' It's a strange little place to do comedy, but as valid an experience and exercise as any other open mic in the city and 100% worth a visit.  

        As a cafe it is great, with great service and great food, but as a place to hold an open mic it is tough for the comic. This is why it's good for developing! I believe all environments help a comic grow and learn the craft, and I will of course return, but it was not an easy place to illicit laughter...in my case at least. 

       The room is long and the tables are spread out. Thus, the compressed energy and intimacy which help spawn & draw out laughter were not readily available. I like to be able to see the whites of the audience's eyes, but in this instance I couldn't. That said plenty of comics did better than I did, and I am thankful for the opportunity to get on stage once again. 

      I went up feeling loose and I didn't do a single 'joke' for the first 3 minutes. It was jarring and hard to do...since instinctively I wanted to jump to the safety of my 'jokes' as the awkwardness grew. I tried to just 'riff and play' with the tension in the room and challenge the dexterity (or lack there of) of my mind. It worked to a certain extent...but it failed to a greater extent. 

       I tried out a riff about "stabbing the audience if they laughed,"  That seemed to work nicely and it is perhaps worthy of further investigation and extrapolation in the future. When I got down from the stage I could tell that some comics and clients thought it was a wasted exercise haha! But for me it was a box ticked and an interesting way to overcome a fear that I saw in myself and some other comics. The fear of not being able to go outside the lines of your writing or freestyle. Maybe I'm naive but I gave it a go despite the pain.

       I may have done terribly comedically, but as a comedic strength and brain building exercise I think it might have been a good idea. It's a long road to comedic success, so better to experiment now while it's low stakes rather than later. Also,to paraphrase Tom Watson "If you wish to increase your success, you have to double your rate of failure." I'm taking this advice to the limit and trying to quadruple it. So I'm succeeding at this at least :)

Join me on all social networks your on @GLOWPUNK

Frank

(GLOWPUNK)

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My First Time...Again #2

Week 1, Monday.

'The Summer Place' Open Mic

From 'The Brainwash' we rolled over to 'The Summer Place' to hit the mic!

      

       The night before last at 3am while sitting in a car in Mexico before I flew to San Francisco, I promised my friend John Rey (a self-made over achieving 26yr old magazine owner) that I would get up on stage during my second week. I had my doubts when I said it, but I like to think my word is  my bond. That's why I  sometimes tell people I am going to do something. Not to brag but rather to trick myself into doing something hard, and drive myself on despite the pain. A bit like this blog… GET IT! It's public accountability. By me writing this for all to see, I am throwing myself in so deep the only way out is to succeed :)

      So anyway yeah… as I said…I promised to do an open mic by the second week. True to form I got annoyed with being afraid to try and was now ahead of myself at my second open mic on my first day in San Francisco. I was outdoing myself thanks to Chris, Tom and my ridiculous brain. In the words of the awesomely manic tiger blooded Charlie Sheen...I  was WINNING!!! 

      The only thing I fear more than being unfunny onstage is dying without trying. I've thought about being a comic for at least 10 years. Last year was the first year I finally told anyone. Why I don't know, but I think it might be because I want to do it so badly that if it doesn't work out my dream may be shattered. The overwhelming reality that my life on this planet is finite has driven me through life and through a myriad of insane life challenges and difficult feats. Someone whose work I admire once said "Frank, you're fearless." To which I quickly and honestly responded to deflect unwarranted praise "It's not that I am fearless, it is that I fear failing myself and dying without following my dreams SO MUCH, that I can't help but try." I nearly applauded myself when I said that shit!

      

       Anyway, at the 'Summer Place' the owner has decided that its patrons can smoke and they will just pay the fine if they get caught. You got to respect those principled balls. I was feeling GREAT! I guess I was riding high after my first experience of not 'Bombing' i.e. failing publically onstage.  Also. I was not feeling sick like I used to from stage fright. The host called my name and I grabbed the mic. It was a small dark bar with great acoustics and a floor light that gave me free laser eye surgery for my full 5 minute set.

San Francisco's finest was ubiquitous but I try and stay clean. No anesthetic before going up! ;)

      There was a 3/4s full room and three girls who were non comics down the back. At the bar there were about five people, one of which were a gay couple. I launched into a bit about how wonderful it was that San Francisco was so accepting and so free and the clientele as a whole appeared to enjoy it. I was conscious of my accent not being completely intelligible, so I made sure to annunciate more clearly than ever before. Every comic worth his salt will agree; people can't laugh if they cant understand you! Unless of course you are doing physical humor. I would not be famous for my diction. 

       On stage I was able to carry out a type of live meta analysis of what was going on as I performed. I was conscious that I had improved the clarity of my voice and my diction in the last year. I guess  all that  time I spent doing voice overs for mixed audiences on my youtube channel was finally paying off. I got some solid laughs and lots of smiles. I was trying to work the few bits I had into a routine and be 'likable' which actually worked. Reports back from those who watched were that "IT WAS NOT BAD." They are of course going to sugar coat it but I could tell it was not terrible. There is  obviously room for major improvement but I was pleased with myself and the fact that I had got up twice in one day with nothing prepared from a complete standing start. 

       I improvised a lot.  I feel like that is an important skill. I see too many comics lock into their set word for word and they are in a way trapped by the words. Hopefully I can maintain and improve the dexterity of my mind. I think my time in the relatively harsh social environments of both the army and the bar trade have made me quicker to the punch than I would have been otherwise. All in all just proud of myself for doing it and not wimping out. Big thanks to Chris and Tom for helping me make the jump a week ahead of schedule. It has been such an exciting and good day that  I can't sleep. I'm going for a walk….

Peace

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How to be a funny man 4

My Fourth Comedy  Open Mike

              Decided to hit up a place called 'Amnesia' on Valencia @ 19th in San Francisco, Signed up around 7 i think and they threw the names into a jar and I got up 2nd last but there was only like 15 of us so it wasn't too long. There was still maybe 15 people around. The stage was raised up about 4 feet and the room was long with most people way at the back of the room. Again the room consisted mainly of comics and some musical performers. There was a cool 50 year old guy dressed as a clown who played some psychedelic music and said some cool things, almost simulating a trip. Fun
                                                                    (Not me in the photo, justa picture of the venue)
               So this time as i knew my chance was coming up I was still mellow, went out for a breath of fresh air and swung my arms round a bit to get the blood flowing to the brain.. walked up and got a little intro as a "newbie" walked up the steps and under the lights. Nerves were nothing compared to the first time on stage. On stage i'm thinking super fast but talking super slow. I can see everyone and hear everything and am hyper aware of the room but still to scared to interact with the room in depth. Some people were talking so I pulled them up on it and laughed it off and continued on . Got a few genuine laughs but know that i am no where near my potential. I am slow, immobile, slurring words and missing rythms and not word perfect yet. I would say weak, but optimistic. Still running that bombing the last time on stage over in my head, but conscious that this is the process. Glad I got up.... i feel like a lot of comics who start out might relate to this.... I am trying to get away from my bad performances with every further performance.... My brain is getting into gear . With the comics and on the street i hold my own and perhaps outshine some of the lads, but once on stage with a mike in my hand I am the slow one... It is psychological.. I know i will overcome it with a few hundred more shows and then i think i will see big steps..

               Came to the conclusion with Chris Duncan ( a fellow comedian with 2years hard graft down)  that there are many ways to bomb and that I am not bombing in the worst way. So that is good. I see good times ahead for Chris. His stage presence and 'likablity' are thorough the roof, just a few subtle nuances and some luck and he will hit where he wants. A talented young man who appears fearless. A good inspiration and good fella. If you are reading this Chris HI!!!!!  Here is his facebook page. Tell him glowpunk sent ya ! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chris-Duncan-Comedy/194889017225824?ref=ts

              Getting up 5 times next week, so hoping to see improvement by the end of the week... I guess that is why i feel like keeping a diary of this. Apart from maybe helping others there is an element of being able to look back and see real progress in mind and skill.

Right people
Peace

Glowpunk